Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
And a close up of a petunia, just for fun. I am infatuated with this color this year. Last year it was pink, the year before it was red. The thing I love most about planting pots is that you can have something completely new every year!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
This morning I have been working on clearing the other half of my raspberry patch. It is completely overrun by trees, bushes, and noxious weeds. I've noticed that some of the weeds are just surface weeds and pull out really easy, and others have deep roots. And often times those deep roots are entangled with the raspberry bush roots. So I have to be very careful as I untangle them so as to not hurt my precious raspberries!
It got me thinking about Satan and growing up. I think there are certain sins that are similar to those of the surface weeds. He doesn't have to plant those near my heart, because he knows, they won't take root. It is not a temptation for me to rob a bank. It just isn't. It is not a temptation for me to murder someone (well... nah, we won't go down that thought path. :). There are certain commandments of God, and laws of the land, that are no problem for me to follow. But then there are others that I do struggle with. And most of them are not the temporal laws, but the personal ones. Honoring our bodies as a temple (how many of us at one point has hated our body?), honoring our neighbor as our self. Well, if you are full of noxious thoughts and hatred for yourself, then your neighbor may be getting the short end of the stick.
As I have been on my journey this last four months of working to get my weight off I have really found that there are lots of noxious weeds on my inside. When we are born and are little children, we essentially are born with a perfect perception of ourselves and the world around us. Think of the children in your life, their main concerns are to feel loved, have shelter, to learn, and to be fed (oh and to play and have fun!). But as we grow, things happen to us, we learn bad habits, we make bad choices with painful consequences, and soon those beautiful feelings we had about ourselves and the world are bogged down by these things. The noxious weeds take over and the beauty within is tied down and cannot shine. Soon we are full of self defeating thoughts, hatred, pain, and negativity. And Satan - he is gleeful at this!! He no longer has to maintain this particular garden. Although I may not be robbing banks and killing people, I am still letting him have influence on me.
So, you know what comes next right? Lots of hard work. Lots of pulling, tugging, digging, and sweating. Watch out for the thorns, those hurt! Oh, and while your digging out all those weeds, make sure you don't pull out the precious things along with it. Things like personal values, religious beliefs, etc. And the most precious of all, the knowledge of oneself that ultimately you are a good person, you deserve happiness, you deserve joy, you deserve to be thin, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to love others, you are a child of God. These are all things that as children, we didn't doubt, we just innately knew them. But those weeds that have been planted in our hearts - the ones that tell you don't deserve any of that, that you are crap (you are not crap!), they are deeply entangled together. Not only will it take the hard work to get them out, it will also take some gentleness, patience, understanding, forgiving, and oh yeah - probably lots of tears.
I have to say; it was really satisfying this morning as I cleared a spot for each different raspberry bush. Each time I got one clear and cleaned out around the base, then shored it up with more dirt, it felt so good. The same has been for my heart. It's been a tough four months, and I think I've really only gotten to the surface stuff. I know that as I continue to work on cleaning out all the weeds, it's going to get harder, more painful, and more satisfying in the end. And then just as I make sure there is plenty of dirt at the base, water, sun, and nutrition to help my plants grow, I must do the same for my heart and soul. Make sure that my base is covered by the gospel of Jesus Christ. That I am giving it lots of scripture reading and prayer. I truly believe that as I do this, my body will start to feel clean from the inside, and it won't be such a struggle to eat to honor my body, and not to stuff my emotions. It won't be such a challenge to exercise because I’ll recognize it as something that I can do to cherish my body and what it was created for, and I ultimately I will finally be able to say goodbye to all this weight. The real Sam will immerge and it will be glorious! I was going to say "I can't wait", and partly that is true. But mostly, I’m so glad to already be on my path, already have started my journey. It's a beautiful life, and I'm excited to see what it brings! So get your gardening gloves on and join me, let's get rid of those noxious weeds together!!!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Here is what I started with. I wasn't sure how to deal with the brush...they were just too big and poky to try and throw away....So a came up with a solution!
I decided to burn them!!! I dragged them across the yard over to our little fire pit and ended up with this huge pile! I then wondered if this was even possible or if I had gotten in over my head.
Getting them to light wasn't a problem, but they burned so fast that keeping the fire lit required some spare lumber which I cut down with Russell's power saw. (I love feeling handy.)
Turns out, it all went much faster then I thought. It was hot and my arms got scratched up pretty good breaking everything down into smaller pieces, but I finished!!!!
(With the brush anyway. Tomorrow I will be cleaning out the grass and tilling up the soil. I hope it is all worth it!)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Here is my wristband. Proof that my elbows were indeed sharp enough to survive the pushing and the shoving and the mean tall people trying to steal my spot. :)
I was pleasantly surprised to learn that their bass player was a girl. (Girl Power)
Between sets. Waiting for MUSE!
These are from my phone, so not the greatest pics ever. Oh well.
There he is on the piano. Matthew Bellamy (Lead singer and guitarist) is actually amazingly talented on the piano. Most of their albums will feature a classical piece.
Here we are after our stroll in the snow. We didn't want Russ to get stuck in the post concert traffic so we met him at the gas station a block away. Burr!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
But, things for us are a changin' so I guess its about time to post.
A little bit about me: I suffer from Clinical Depression. It's in my family, so it's genetic. (Don't worry, I didn't have a horrible childhood and I certainly don't have Mother issues.) Most of the time I can deal, but lately I have been getting worse and worse in the winter. The icky smog and skyless weeks and weeks have made even getting dressed seem like too much. A few weeks ago, I bottomed out. The house was a disaster, I was upset about my infertility and with all the chemical things going on in my brain and body it was just....argh. It got so bad that I lost my job for taking too many sick days. Things were already tight enough and without a job I started to feel things spiraling out of control. I was desperately looking for some sort of reset button. Well, we found it!
1. Blue skies in the winter. There may be more snow and it might be 10 degrees colder (that does mean it is 10 degrees cooler in the summer, btw) but there is almost no smog! That means lots and lots of sunshine, which is very very good for me.
2. My horse is up there. Riding is so therapeutic for me. I would ride everyday if I could. So many times I was invited to go up and ride with my brother and dad, but couldn't make myself get up to go. Now, I can go ride whenever I want. Also, you can come up and ride, whenever you want!
3. The Provo River is RIGHT THERE! Fly Fishing is also a great way for me to relax. There is something about standing in a beautiful spot, watching and listening to the wildlife that is all around me. The mountains are my Heaven.
4. My family is up there. My parents made the move up to Heber about 5 months after we got married. We used to spend weekends up there...but lately it has turned into every-other Sunday. Now my brothers are both married and have chosen to live in Heber and Orem. I miss them, I do. We have been SO BLESSED to have lived so close to Russell's family for 8 years. I think this way we might actually see them more. Deena has graciously agreed to let me teach my piano lessons at her house on Wednesdays so I don't have to give up my students. (I will be down here for Bell Choir anyway, and I'm most definitely not giving up Bells on Temple Square!) Also, I'm sure there will be many nights spent at their home when driving through a snowy canyon doesn't seem like the best plan.
5. It's a small town, but Provo is only 20 minutes away.
I know that Russell is 100% doing this for me. He told me that I mean more to him then a house, or a 40 minute commute. He can see that since we have made this decision I have been happier and more motivated than I have been in a really long time. He knows that a happy Liana=a happy Russell. I think that being able to get out and work with his hands more will give Russ some happiness too.
We have decided that instead of looking for a new house up there, we are going to take a step back and live in an apartment for a while. This way we can afford fertility treatments, adoption if need be, get our savings back, and get our credit back up. Having a house has been great, but we will be just fine with a 2 bedroom apartment for a while.
Because of this, we have said "Goodbye" to our babies Echo and Loki. We know that finding loving homes for our dogs would be easier than trying to find a place that would let us have 3 dogs. Echo went to our good friends Travis and Angela who love her as much as we did. She is in heaven there. We had a harder time, unfortunately finding a home with friends for Loki. He went to a family we found on ksl.com. I haven't heard from them, but I'm sure he is loved and having a great time terrorizing their Chihuahua. It was very hard letting them go, but as much as I miss them, I don't miss cleaning up after them. (We kept Odin, of course! I think if I told Russ it was "me or the dog", he would have gone with the dog. :)
The past month has been filled with cleaning out closets, deep cleaning, and painting painting painting!! We are just about done with that, with a little bit of trim to go. Whew! What a project that has been, but now that it is done the house looks better then ever. We are crossing our fingers for a fast sale. If you know anyone in the market, send them our way!
PS I'll post some pictures soon!